How to be Married for 40 Years!

We added years and 5 grandchildren

I feel like I am ancient when I say I have been married for 40 years!  I feel like I am only 40!  How did we get here?  I'll tell you how - it took patience (still on-going); forgiveness; laughter; tears; some burnt meals - and oh yeah, the burnt house -- so many memories go into making 40 years of marriage.  Here's some tips for the road ahead!

1.  Do spiritual things together.  I think this is right up there at the top of the list.  As we add God into our lives, we add light.  It's that simple.  Negativity is washed away as we pray together.  The Family: A Proclamation to the World states:

"THE FAMILY is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. "

President Spencer W. Kimball was the Prophet when Dad and I were engaged to be married.  There were about 17 temples on the Earth at that time.  I remember President Kimball saying that a husband and wife should be willing to walk around the Earth for the opportunity to be married in the Temple.  We knew what he was saying was true.  

Being married in the Temple doesn't guarantee a perfect marriage.  Marriage still takes work.  It takes putting Christ at the center of your marriage, and giving 100% to each other and to God.  President Kimball said this:

"When a husband and wife go together frequently to the holy temple, kneel in prayer together in their home with their family, go hand in hand to their religious meetings, keep their lives wholly chaste—mentally and physically—so that their whole thoughts and desires and loves are all centered in the one being, their companion, and both work together for the upbuilding of the kingdom of God, then happiness is at its pinnacle.

I am glad he knows that I like to have the last word!

2.  Keep your sense of humor!  That's the key!  Tough times will come to every marriage.  Marriage will become dull and boring.  Having humor will brighten the rough days.  Guaranteed.  This is a recent text I received from my husband.  It's a very big deal that he is texting.  He's not savvy like that.
      One of the funniest gifts I ever from my husband was at Valentine's Day.  I am not saying the sexiest, I mean the funniest!  He gave me a cute little bear from the Hallmark store.  It was wearing some sort of sweater.  As I was admiring the little stuffed bear, I kept wondering what kind of sweater was that bear wearing.  It had some orange and black markings on it.  During the evening I kept looking at the sweater and then it hit me.  That was a bat on the sweater.  This was a Halloween bear.  He bought of it off the clearance section at the Hallmark store!!!!  I don't think I ever laughed so hard.


3.  Date each other.  A friend and her husband reserve every Friday night for dates!  It works for them.  Whether they go out to dinner, take a walk or watch the game on TV, they spend the time together.  Without any outsiders!  Plan what works for you on a calendar and stick to it!

4.  Money, money, money.  This is one of the biggest causes of contention in the home. My days of hiding bills are over!  Yup, I was one of those people.  Now I am the bill payer.  I have improved my skills over the years!  Get on the ball and get on the same page about money issues.  Have those hard money conversations.  One good tip I heard along the way is to always make money decisions together!

 

5.  Communication.  Sometimes it seems like husbands and wives speak entirely different languages.  Or no language at all.  Say what you mean.  Do you want to stop for a drink?  Say it, just don't assume he can read your mind when your traveling.  Be a content communicator.  Be precise.  Look at each other when you speak.  Some times I have to have my husband repeat what I said back to me so I know he was paying attention.  Learn good communication skills and don't just pretend you have them.  Also, criticism is not a communication style.  It destroys relationships.  Do your best to say things in a positive way. 

Marriages aren't going to be perfect.  There will be days or weeks or months that can be challenging.  Following these simple 5 steps can help you get over those hurdles!!